"All that crap, you're putting it in the paper? It's all been denied. Katie Graham's gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that's published. Good Christ! That's the most sickening thing I ever heard."

John Mitchell

John Mitchell and Nixon worked in the same law firm in New York, and he was Nixon's campaign manager in 1968. He must have been pretty good at it, too, because he managed to make Nixon appealing to a majority of the American people. He was such a good liar that Nixon made him Attorney General during his first administration. Nixon later decided Mitchell's talents were needed for the most important facets of the Nixon presidency, espionage and money laundering, so he made Mitchell the head of CREEP. Things started to fall apart when Mitchell resigned to spend more time with his family, which consisted of his wife Martha, a drunk who regularly publically defamed him.

Mitchell lied to the Senate, and he went to jail for 19 months until he was released on parole for medical reasons. He never wrote a book and was sued by Simon and Schuster for failing to deliver a promised memoir.

It is not known if he ever went bowling at the White House. We'd ask him, except he died on November 9, 1988. Nixon led his funeral procession.

He also commanded John F. Kennedy's PT unit during WWII, possibly providing the crucial link in our own personal PT-109/Kennedy Assasination/Communist/Watergate conspiracy theory.